MOG #110: Dress shopping

"I have a love/hate relationship with shopping."
Ahh, I love a rhetorical sentence in the morning.

Last week I went to a store with one mission in mind: summer dresses. I was determined to break out of the rut of only living in work clothes and work out clothes.

"Summer dresses" I thought, "No hassle, just put on and go! Easy peasy! BREEZY! Yes you can!!!"

And I scoured the department like any other 20something female would: carefully picking between the too flashy, too aggressive flimsy things and staying clear of anything that would make me look prepubescent. An armful of fabric later, I headed into the dressing room.

This particular store was one with about TWENTY change room areas. It also was one of those cruel, cruel, places that had the mirrors on the OUTSIDE of the stall, meaning you couldn't try things on and examine them/judge yourself in the privacy of your little locked safe-space, but you had to step out of the door to use the mirror on the other side.

Normally I bypass these change rooms if there's a ton of people there. The Regina-George voices in my head tell me I'm too fat for this shirt; too curvy for these pants, that my torso is weird and that my thighs need to hit the gym more and my stomach needs to hit the fridge less. We've all been there, (right? right...), but that day, of all days, I had to forgo that attitude: I was one "leggings as pants" situation away from calling myself into a make over show.

I slip on a little floral thing and step out look in the mirror. As the wave of self doubt begins to wash over me, I am interrupted by a lady a few rooms down. "Oh damn look at her go!" she says, pointing at me. As we make eye contact she elaborates "Girl, that looks amazing on you! You need to buy that!"

Thrown off guard, I laugh it off and say thank you and begin to head back into my little change room.

Once behind closed doors, I'm smiling at the gesture, but not before the mean girl voice is loud and clear- "She's just being nice.. this doesn't actually look good on you, don't be fooled". Before I can give this mindset much of a chance,  I remember I can't get too stirred by a compliment, and there's a few other things to try on before I call it a day.

I head out of the change room, this time in a combination of deep indigo and lace and without even giving myself a 2 second once-over, there is that girl again, "Oh my god, that one is even better! You look awesome! You totally need to get that one!"

By this time the fellow shopper has changed into a maxi and looks pretty damn good and I'm quick to compliment her back, and I mean it completely. She laughs and refutes, saying it's not what she's looking for and that it's just not her day. We laugh about why girls think getting ready for summer means revamping our entire wardrobes for only a few weeks. Touche.

Back into my room, and attempt number three is a mint coloured mid-calf number. We do the same dance; I come out of the change room and before I can even hear my inner critics, there's my new cheerleader, saying the colour brings out my skin tone and would be perfect for this weather we're having. This is her favourite outfit yet.

---
Her compliments are genuine. She has made me realize that I actually don't look like like a troll and in fact, can pull off this cut/style/colour.  She also made me remember that this is not Runway, I am not paid to look double-tap worthy in clothes, nor does it really matter what anyone else thinks of my outfit. I need clothes. I don't look monstrous. It's a dress. Relax. It took someone else's kind words for me to realize how mean I was being to myself. 

Fast forward to the car ride home. My bank account took a hit, but my self-esteem had a boost, and my motivation to be a little kinder was lit. Would I have bought the dresses without her there? Probably- I needed them. But this encouragement was so profound. My moment of gratitude comes down to this: A genuine compliment from a complete stranger that completely made my day because it changed my perspective. In a world where people are typically tearing each other down or competing with one another to beat out natural selection, all when taking a break from beating themselves up, this exchange of positivity was so... out of the ordinary.

(How weird is that - kindness seems out of the ordinary?)

I left the store with a vow to try to be that girl in the change room whenever I could. To give genuine compliments- not just in fragile situations like florescent lighting, but whenever there's a need for positivity. And when you think about it, there's always a need for positivity. We've got enough Mean Girl voices living in our heads.

Kindness- it doesn't cost a damn thing. Sprinkle that stuff everywhere.

MOG #109: What sticks the most

Thanks to Karen for this gratitude- inspired trip down her friendship-filled memory lane!

I don’t know where I’m going to be in ten years from now, nor do I know what I’m going to be doing with my life.  I know that scares a lot of people, but not me.

Four years ago I was just finishing high school, not knowing what was in store for me.  I knew I would be attending Brock University, and I knew I was going in to become a teacher but I had no idea I would be at such a good place in my life.  My experience at Brock has made me more open minded, more joyous, more appreciative of the little things, and I would like to say it has made me an all around better person.  But I am most thankful for my roommates, the girls that I now call my best friends, sisters, soul mates, shoulders to cry on, and girls to share all of my secrets with. 

In university you meet all different sorts of people… some nice, some mean, some with completely different views to yours, some who you bond with right away.  I was lucky enough to meet a group of girls that I would do anything for.

Looking back on all the memories these past four years, I don’t think about my time spent in lectures, seminars, or studying/writing endless amounts of papers and exams.  What sticks with me the most are the millions of drunken memories, the late nights staying up watching Friends and Sex and the City, and the conversations that usually started with us talking about our days, but ended up with deep conversations about life, the fact that we believe in aliens, why society is so messed up and most of all… guys.  Obviously.

Despite all the lessons I have learned throughout university, some of the most important ones are these:

1.     Sometimes, you meet your sisters at the age of 17.

2.     Cleaning is 100 times more fun when you’re doing hilarious dance moves

3.     The question “what happened last night?” will go unanswered 9 times out of 10

4.     Every weekend is a long weekend

5.     All assignments can be completed the night before

6.     Best friends tell each other EVERYTHING… down to the very last detail. (I’d be amazed if you could find something they don’t know about me)

7.     The best ab workouts come from hours of late night laughing

8.     There is nothing a bottle of wine, a bowl of popcorn and some hugs can’t fix.

Unfortunately, leaving Brock and moving on to teacher’s college in Hamilton has been an extremely difficult process for me.  It means moving back home, commuting every day, and most of all… it means I won’t be living with my best friends anymore.   Despite endless amounts of sadness, my MOG came to me when I realized that I will be taking a part of each of these girls with me, and that there will never be a day where they aren’t still my best friends.  This rare type of friendship doesn't come around all that often, so I am extremely grateful for the friends that Brock University has brought my way.  I know that when we are thirty we will be each other's bridesmaids, when we’re forty we’ll be babysitting each others kids but still tearing up the town, when we're fifty we will be having coffee dates and taking each other to doctors appointments, and when we're eighty I know we will be trying to knock each other out of our wheelchairs, doing wheelies, twerking with our canes, and reminiscing on these past four years when we first became family! 

MOG #108: The right kind of sunshine

Thanks to Pauline for sending in this MOG, inspired by spring, sunshine and a celebration of the self.

I’ve been told I’m a generally happy person. I’ve been asked by four and five year olds why I smile so much. I’ve been known to dance and sing off key around my kitchen. I’ve been known to randomly start skipping. I’ve even been accused of wearing “rose coloured glasses”. My heart is genuinely full of love for everything and everyone.

But I’m human. I have my random existential crises. Sometimes I wonder who I am, why I’m here, and what the meaning of all this really is. Sometimes I wonder where I fit and if I have a purpose. And I worry. My big heart gets punctured on a daily basis by news stories that terrify, disturb and upset me because sometimes being able to empathise with almost anyone can really weigh you down. And then I think of the fact that so many people are just trying to have enough food, water, shelter and safety to make it through the day and I feel even worse because I feel guilty for being sad or complaining at all.

Lately I have been having some rougher days. I worry or feel anxious and I don’t know why. I worry if I’m making a difference, or to quote John Mayer lyrics, "if I’m living it right". But then every once in a while, even on those more difficult days, something amazing happens. I get this feeling of love and peace overcome me, and inexplicably, I’m grateful, and I’m present. Sometimes it’s just for a moment, but I’ve noticed the more I am grateful, the longer those moments become.

Spring is my favourite time of year. I love the sunshine, and the warmth, and just being outside as much as humanly possible to soak it all in. It’s April 28^th and we have been having unseasonably cold, cloudy weather and I’ve been feeling down. But then all of a sudden, today it was warm, sunny, and beautiful. I took my dog for a walk immediately after work and walking through the field, the breeze blowing, his tail wagging, and the sun shining, I felt it. I was overcome by love and peace, and gratitude. I felt grounded in the earth and in my soul and I knew that God has a purpose for me, and I knew that I was supposed to be here, in this moment.
This is my moment of gratitude today, and so I had an obligation to share this feeling and to try and spread it. Because I want you to know, whoever is reading this that your life is important, and it has meaning, right now, at this moment. Regardless of your circumstances, and regardless of whether you currently feel peace, joy, or love, I can promise you that they are going to come over you at spontaneous moments when you least expect it. 

This is the purpose I feel for my life. I’m going to give away as much kindness and love as I possibly can, wait for these moments, soak them in, and then try to give it all right back. Today I’m thankful for the opportunity to wake up in the morning and do just that. And I’m thankful to keep trying to live it right.  

P.S- here's that John Mayer song!

MOG #107: Unconditional Love

Shoutout to our friend Jess our first MOG about a beloved pet, who showed her the deepest meaning of unconditional love and the importance of family. Gratitude can be shared in and through all forms, even paws.

I return to this blog again and again. Sometimes for bedtime reading and sometimes just to feel inspired and read other’s stories. 

I find writing about a moment of gratitude difficult. I have returned to a blank document many, many times, writing and erasing, trying to find the most significant moment or person that I have a tremendous amount of gratitude for.

And that’s it, I start, and I erase, and exit and try again a couple of weeks later, only to repeat the cycle. Not because I am not grateful, but because I have been so blessed throughout my life that I can’t choose person, place or thing, to write about that will make this post short, sweet and easy to read.

I have finally chosen to write about one thing in my life that taught me about unconditional love.

Now my family isn’t the type that will tell each other how much we love each other day in and day out. Its extremely rare to hear an ‘I love you,’ unless its from my mom, and affection for each other is a rare thing. Therefore, you know that when it happens its truly special.

That’s where my dog comes into the picture. My dad brought a German Shorthair Pointer puppy home when I was about 8 years old. We named him Spencer. He brought the dog home against my mom’s wishes, but this dog was one of the greatest blessings our family would ever receive because he taught us all how to love unconditionally.

A quick interruption to the story, but important!; Have you ever heard that story of a child’s explanation for why dog’s lives are so much shorter than a human’s? Its simple; our job on earth is to figure out how to love others unconditionally, provide forgiveness, and not judge others, no matter their faults, appearance, skin colour, age, etc.. Dog’s lives are so short, because they learn and express this concept of unconditional love much quicker than humans ever do.

Anyways, back to the story. Growing up my brothers and I would spend hours with my dog. Taking him out in the forest while we rode our bikes, playing in our yard, etc..

 When I would feel sad or upset, I would lay on him, and soak him with my tears. His ears slumped, but he never walked away. Guilt was also easy to see on him; he told us he did something wrong with his expression before we ever found out what it was. He never failed to greet us when we got home with excitement and joy in his eyes and tail. When my brothers and I would fight he would bark, jump on us, or just hide in his nook, looking on with low ears and sadness in his eyes.

‘I love you’s’ and hugs and kisses started to be very common in the house – aimed at the dog, but nonetheless. I began to see how Spencer brought out these emotions that my family was so guarded in expressing.

He stuck by my side, and was part of very significant moments in my life; like when him and I were the only one’s home when I got accepted to Brock; lets just say we celebrated! He was easily a member of our family and part of everything! His chore was to retrieve the newspaper at the end of our driveway every morning, something he excitedly did.

During my second year of university he passed away from bone cancer. I was away from home and more devastated about his death than I had been about death ever before. Silly, right, because he was a dog.

He was a dog, but he was perfect; he had not hate or disregard in his heart, he did not judge, he forgot and forgave quickly, he made new friends easily, he was very rarely anything but excited and happy, he loved it when he has someone to talk to him, and he expressed more unconditional love than I had ever experienced before.

He was a 12-year lesson in my life I will never forget and his message was simple; love others unconditionally and express gratitude for the simple things; like for warm sun spots on the carpet, the morning paper, and your family coming home at the end of a long day.

MOG# 106: A three letter word

Carly has got to be one of the most resilient and bold girls I know: whatever life throws at her, she throws it right back and always come out on top. No doubt, she was raised with strength, and looks like she wants to share where that strength came from... 


MOM.

A three letter word. A role model. A warrior. A hero.

My mom is all of these things and more. My mom is, in my mind, the greatest person alive. It is very unfortunate that I don’t tell her this, because she really deserves to hear it.

When I get mad at my mom, my dad often jokes by saying, “So you mean you’re not going to call her 7 times a day?” This truly isn’t an understatement. I call my mom 5-15 times a day with calls ranging from 30 seconds to 2 hours. Excessive? Possibly in your eyes, but not in mine.

My mom is in the education field and I am well on my way to following in her footsteps. I say “in her footsteps” with great pride. For the longest time I told my mom I wanted to be disassociated with her name. I didn’t mean it in a negative way but I felt the pressure when I heard, “Oh, she’s your mom?” and “Are you going to be just like your mom?” Teenage to twenty one year old me was not having that. I was not going to live in what I perceived as a shadow. Now I do not see those words as a shadow but as a yellow brick road. The path my mom has paved for herself is one of incredible hard work and dedication. My mom cares about each and every one of the students who enter her office. My mom, I am very proud to say, tries to instill in others the qualities she has been teaching to me since I was young. These same qualities have allowed me to grow into a strong, independent, proud woman. My mom raised me to believe in myself, to think outside the box, to respect myself and those around me and to put my all into everything I do. How could I not be grateful for a woman who looks to empower youth of today to reach their highest potential and respect and appreciate themselves? I hope one day I am half of the educator my mom is. She is constantly helping me to come up with new and creative lesson ideas to reach every student. Her ideas blow me away! Where she comes up with some of her ideas I have no idea!

If I could give you all one piece of advice it would be to first of all forgive yourself for the childish things you’ve done and said in the past. You didn't know any better then but you do now. Call up that person you didn't appreciate enough and tell them how lucky you are to have them in your life. Send them a card. Write them a letter. No, you can never pay them back for everything they’ve done for you but you can make a new path. A new path of appreciation.

Teacher’s college was that new path for me. I thought I had this in the bag. I thought I could do this on my own. Negative. There was no way I couldn't have gotten through this experience without my mom. And honestly, I haven’t thanked her for that yet… which I’m probably going to do the second I finish writing.

My mom is a selfless and remarkable woman and I wish you all would have the opportunity to meet her. I know what I’ve written may not really depict in words how grateful I am for my mom, but you should all know I couldn't be more grateful for this strong female role model in my life.

Thank you isn’t enough I know, but I truly am grateful for you mom.

MOG #105: Unexpected Gratitude

I had a good conversation with a friend today who told me this, "you never know how understanding someone can be" and I think this is a good application to this week's post from our friend Jackie. 

Sometimes the best type of gratitude happens in moments that show up, unexpected…

They appear as that silver lining to the new situation you’ve been faced with and empower you to be your own cheerleader, or as what I like to refer to as my own “Beyoncé”.

Recently I’ve been dealt with a new life plan: one that I’m supporting but on the other hand I’m questioning. In these past few days I have realized how incredible my friends and family are, and through each of their, “I’ll be here for you” or “You will survive this” statements, I’ve started to feel as though I will make it.

However, this morning was that one act of kindness that I was not expected moment I’ve been waiting for. A small comment from someone, totally out of the ordinary, was just that extra sense of gratitude that I’ve needed. It's moments like these that really matter. Although it was a small comment, it was the extra support and pride that you could feel behind the statement; as if they were truly honoured and thankful for this future I am embarking on.

Be kind to one another, you never know when someone will need that extra support to help them see their MOG.

MOG: finding a moment of gratitude in a bad situation and realizing how incredible the thought of Canadian pride is. 

MOG #104: For knowing you

Thank you Alex for another beautiful post.

It's not often that the word gratitude comes to mind when reminiscing about someone we've lost.

Today, marks the two year anniversary of the death of a friend of mine. He was a 10 year old participant at a program I worked for, for individuals who have special needs.  Zachary was a bright light, with an infectious laugh, playful spirit, strong will and gentle soul.

And though I am not grateful that we lost him, there are a number of things that I am grateful for, for knowing him:

I am grateful to have gotten to spend so much time playing with, and caring for him.
I am grateful that he was a part of the journey that lead me to my love of working with people who have special needs.
I am grateful for every time he playfully pulled my hair and laughed about it uncontrollably.
I am grateful for getting to see him walk when it wasn't all that easy.

He taught me that if you have an open mind and an open heart, you can find a friend in anyone.

You will always be missed and love dearly, Zach.

03.24.2013