M.O.G,
& M.O.L
The first time I heard those three
magic words, they were in repetition back to me, echoed so quickly they were
practically stumbled over. That’s right – I said them first! And that
essentially accurately preludes the next decade of my love life.
I had these fantasies of Love growing
up. Dancing through my head, inspired by various young teen romance novels,
Marissa Cooper and Ryan Attwood, and Dashboard Confessional lyrics, I have
proof of Love’s early hold on me – just take a quick flip through my 13 year
old journal (which I’ve been doing lately… terrifying). And while others would
agree that was pretty naïve (and typical) of a 13 year old girl to form her
earliest perceptions of Love around, I in fact … was not so far off. And that
is what this MOG is dedicated to today, on this loveliest of all days: my
gratitude towards Love, and how it has continuously played out for me, more
often than not, just like a fairy tale. I can say with genuine confidence (and
perhaps a hint of conceit), I have been one of the luckiest people I know, when
it comes to Love.
Take that first moment, almost 10 exact
years ago to this date. If I am describing the circumstances in which I shared
those three whispers for the first time, I would be lying if I didn’t mention
the honest to god fact that me and my first ‘real’ boyfriend were lying in the
middle of his street, during the anticipated lull of 2am traffic, hand in hand,
gazing up at those lights; green, yellow red. Green, yellow, red. And so when
you’re first big moment with Love is
hand delivered to you by Nicolas Sparks, you can generally assume it’s going to
be a pretty wonderful ride.
And do not get me wrong! I am worlds
less naïve about the challenges and heartache that Love brings. She can be a
complete and total bitch at times. At a lot of times, even. And I’ll never shy
away from those weakest of moments in my life that shaped and grew and
sometimes hardened this heart of mine throughout the past decade. But those
moments are perhaps more significant than the rainbows and sunflowers of proper
love, because of course they carry you through always more grateful than before,
when Love does come tapping on your window again.
And that is why I have been so
fortunate. No matter how many times I tell myself not to (usually 3 billion within
that first week of each break up), I have never ever managed to shy away from Love.
I have always let my heart remain open to the possibility of it. I am absolutely
unable to let the potential of my Next Great Love pass me by simply because
people tell me (namely my father..), “you should just try being single for a
while!” I’ve tried that! I’m crap at it. Because I have always quite quickly
met the next boy who I know has it. And so far (touch wood?), I have never been
wrong. My judgement has never been
off. Every single boy I have taken the chance on by jumping into the next
relationship with (usually quicker than the time it takes to even tie up the
previous loose ends), has turned out to be life changing. Long-term,
all-consuming, world-altering Love.
I consider myself to have had six real Loves
of my Life {so far} in my 23 years.
My first love, sweet and innocent, crumbling at our very first eventual fight.
My young love, brave and bold, spinning me ‘round, even when we weren’t on the
dance floor. My high school sweetheart, the most intense and remarkably
educational experience I’ve ever had. My southern sweetheart; the quickest rush
I have ever felt in my life; the shortest relationship, the longest-lasting
longing. My future husband, the ring and the home and the children’s names
picked out. And my travel buddy, my most accurate other half, my best yet
match.
Six incredible young men. Six entirely
individual, unique experiences. Six significant pieces of my heart belong to
those boys in those days of my life, and I will never ask for them back. Because
I don’t have one negative thing to say about any of them. Not in the end. I owe
them the majority of my entire self, guiding me through Love to become who I am
today. And I will be eternally grateful for all that they shared with me, put
me through, helped me to discover, and left me to anticipate.
I've had mixtapes, photobooth kisses,
I've had slow dances outside in the rain, I've snuck in and out after hours,
I’ve kissed on a park bench til the sun came up, I’ve been compared to the
dizzy feeling of looking up into the vastness of a star scattered sky. I’ve had
surprise visits to my school during lunch hours, I’ve been twirled and dipped
and lifted in the middle of a crowded dance floor, shown off. I’ve received 21
plastic Easter eggs filled with 21reasons why I was loved. I’ve been someone’s
constellation. I’ve had fireworks, I've had candle lit steak dinners, homemade
with white lights laced around the back deck. I made love for the first time on
a Valentine’s Day. I’ve had love letters and bouquets delivered to my place of
work, to my front porch, to my classroom door. I’ve had prom invitations spelt
out in roses, I’ve had promise rings slipped on under blankets and stars with
whispered certainties. I’ve had the mentions of marriage post break-down,
during quiet late night back road drives. I've had fast cars and wild nights,
I've had some incredibly romantic evenings in a trailer park. I’ve been tricked
into fantastic first kisses, I’ve been someone’s pen pal, Skype date, feeling
of home. I’ve spent an entire night under the stars in the middle of a baseball
diamond, I had the best Christmas eve of my life, two-stepping in a windstorm
in some old abandoned parking lot, learning the words to all of my favourite
songs, learning the steps to all of my favourite moves. I have felt the
forbidden, and dove in anyway. I’ve had thousands of tiny yellow chicks, I've
had surprise scavenger hunts leading me to Tiffany’s front door steps, I have
an account with Charm’s Engagement department… I have worn a ring on my left
hand. I have had sweet, authentic Italian words whispered into my skin, late
nights on Fischer Price play set furniture, sharing boxes of wine, I've felt
hearts speak when language was a barrier. I’ve had reasons in a basket, one for
every day (two for the hard days), I had a pet fish delivered to my university
lecture hall. Post it notes, ADHD limericks. Cottage nights on the dock, under
the stars, boat rides around the island, a bunkie that felt like a 5 star
honeymoon suit. I’ve spent an afternoon lying in the lap of a loved one, gazing
up at the Eiffel Tower. And an evening on a secluded terrace in Barcelona. I've
ridden bicycles through the apple orchards and vineyards of Italy, dipped our
toes in tiny rushing streams. I have heard those three words for the first
times under traffic lights, in a dark hallway, yelled at me in the middle of a
house party, in an F150 pick up, in a family minivan parked out by our baseball
diamond, in the middle of a crowded dance floor, running through the hallways
of Georgian College residence, at a train station, and via bbm while in Venice,
because it simply could not wait any longer.
Every single boy I have ever spent significant
time with has bared his soul, and those three words, to me. This is why I
consider myself one of the luckiest people I know, in the face of Love. But to
be completely truthful, sometimes I still catch myself trying to figure out
why. Trying to understand why I got
to be so lucky, as to have felt real live Love from so many different sources.
Why me?
And this is the most important part of
it all (as I'm sure you had predicted!) … I have been blessed with more than my
fair share of remarkable love, because I have remained, in many ways, that same
13 year old girl who turned to that boy 10 years ago, in the middle of the
street, and professed my love. I took the chance. I made the move. I reached
out and grabbed Love by the heart and
I never ever let go. I am a go-getter of smiles, and of happiness. The kind of
happiness that is only real when
shared. I have always been confident and proud and my own biggest supporter
when it comes to matters of the heart. I am intuitive, I am perceptive, I am
resilient, I am retentive. I am genuinely, sincerely, entirely appreciative. I
am grateful for all that I am!
Because I love who I am! I love how I have let the love of so many make me who
I am. I love that I have continued to learn, and grown, and shine in love. And
I love that even though this is my first solo Valentine’s Day in eleven years, I am smiling from ear to
ear. I have had the best of love, while still knowing there is even better to
come. I am grateful for that. I am grateful for them, I am grateful for me. I
am grateful for love.
Take a moment today to recognize how
truly incredible you are, not just
the special one who gets to spend today with you. Allow yourself to feel
selfish, to speak with conceit, to smile with full confidence that no matter
how many fantastic people will come in and out of your life, YOU are the #1.
Love yourself first, and your fairy tale will come, inevitably.
Love always,
Kels Oke
mintcovered
mintcovered
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