MOG # 15: The "change" room

Thoughts about today; you can't let who you are stop you from saying what someone needs to hear. It's about empathy, not sympathy; the difference is that empathy uses words like 'understand', 'relate', 'resonate', 'share', where as sympathy means 'I'm sorry for you', 'I'll think of you' and the worst 'that's so awful'. You don't have to be sixteen and pregnant to help out a girl who is sixteen and pregnant. You could be a 21 year old male thinking hypothetically. You may think "I've never been a girl, I'll never be pregnant and I'm not sixteen" would stop you from getting through to her, but what you need to do is recognize the feelings that this individual could be experiencing- loneliness, being scared, being unsure. That's the difference between empathy and sympathy; you don't have to be the same to understand, you just need to recognize the needs of another. This mentality fits nicely with the post from one of my favourite girls, Dana. This beautiful thing and I met through work and became fastest of friends when we were at the same site. We're so alike it's crazy, and she's probably the one person that I could never see myself being angry with, there's just too much love in her dancing soul to do transgress anyone. Tonight she sent me some beautiful words that showcases what it means to be there for someone, even a stranger. A truly touching mog; proof that random ones happen everyday. 

So I figure that moments of gratitude can range between anything from a huge, selfless gesture, to simply complimenting someone at a random moment during your day. This specific moment falls on the latter idea of the phrase.

I have a pretty simple job. I work retail at Victoria’s Secret, nothing too exciting. Sometimes I'm on cash, and as the last employee encounter of the customer, I should definitely have a smile on my face and be friendly, obviously. I could also be working on the floor, greeting customers as they enter, helping them if needed. But I must say my favorite place to work is the fitting room. I never knew how much a bra can actual change a women’s life.

The other day I had a nice lady come in to try on a new bathing suit. I didn’t think much of it, asked her name for the card on the door, gave her mine and let her know to ask for anything if she needed it. A few minutes later, the bell rang and the button on her door lit up. She let me in her room and stood quiet for a minute, so I asked if she liked everything she picked out and if she needed me to grab any other sizes. She turned to me with the most genuine look, and if I saw it right almost a little bit of disparity, and simply asked “be honest, do you think this looks okay?”

Now normally (as an employee) I’d either say it looked nice if I thought so, or suggest another option that she might like better. But this time I felt like she was asking for more than my opinion. This woman was approximately in her mid-40’s, and for that she looked fantastic. She was tall, fit and healthy looking so obviously I didn’t hesitate to let her know how bomb she looked in her coral two-piece bikini. She then turned back to herself in the mirror and smiled at herself. Just then her eyes then started to tear up a little and she took a deep breath in. Before I had a chance to ask if she was okay, she waved her hand in the air in a sort of this-is-so-silly manner and let me in on what she was thinking.

She told me she had just booked a trip to Florida over March Break with her two daughters and husband. You would assume it was your everyday family trip, until she revealed that this is her first in a very long time. She then turns to the side and shows me a dimple on her left hip as she places her hand over the left side of her chest. This lovely woman had just gotten back on her game after a hip replacement as well as a mastectomy. She said she is now healthy and that this trip is a celebration. She hadn’t been in a bikini since she was 34, and really needed an honest opinion.

Her face looked confused, as though she was caught in a weird place between joy and sadness, and I couldn’t understand why this seemed so bittersweet for her. She then to another deep breath and exhaled into a smile, a genuinely happy smile. I couldn’t help but smile back at her in the mirror and say “congratulations.” It hit me then that this was so much more for her than just finding a new swimsuit. It was a step into a new part of her life. It was actually the first day of the rest of her life, and to be a part of it is something I will never forget.

On her way out she stopped, gave me a quick hug, and said the most genuine “thank you” I have ever received from someone. I didn’t actually do very much in that moment, but I'm so thankful to have been a part of such a wonderful step in a stranger’s life. This was not the only woman who has had a mastectomy that I have worked with, and not the only one I have seen get emotional whether it is tears of joy or literally jumping for excitement when they find the right bra. It sounds cheesy, but its really more than just a bra for these women. Moral of the story; you don’t know someone else’s story. The simplest compliment or gesture that takes all of 2 seconds out of your day can literally mean the world to someone else.