MOG # 43: Love loves, love

• K: Who should I address the letter to? Myself in different stages of my (love) life over the years? To the new man? To 'him'? M: To love, write to love. Be grateful for al the ways love has manifested in your life K: Yes, perfect

If you know her, you know she does not need an introduction. If you don't know her, just read the words she's strung together  and at the very least you can at least know a part of her. An honest, detailed and harmonious account from a girl who's just like a diamond- multifaceted, hard exterior, rare, cut for clarity and been through quite a bit, on her own and complete, but can still travel well, and overall,  still shining. Thanks for a very fitting post for this very special Valentine's day, Kelsey (@mintcovered, happymintcovered.blogspot.com).

M.O.G, & M.O.L

The first time I heard those three magic words, they were in repetition back to me, echoed so quickly they were practically stumbled over. That’s right – I said them first! And that essentially accurately preludes the next decade of my love life.

I had these fantasies of Love growing up. Dancing through my head, inspired by various young teen romance novels, Marissa Cooper and Ryan Attwood, and Dashboard Confessional lyrics, I have proof of Love’s early hold on me – just take a quick flip through my 13 year old journal (which I’ve been doing lately… terrifying). And while others would agree that was pretty naïve (and typical) of a 13 year old girl to form her earliest perceptions of Love around, I in fact … was not so far off. And that is what this MOG is dedicated to today, on this loveliest of all days: my gratitude towards Love, and how it has continuously played out for me, more often than not, just like a fairy tale. I can say with genuine confidence (and perhaps a hint of conceit), I have been one of the luckiest people I know, when it comes to Love.

Take that first moment, almost 10 exact years ago to this date. If I am describing the circumstances in which I shared those three whispers for the first time, I would be lying if I didn’t mention the honest to god fact that me and my first ‘real’ boyfriend were lying in the middle of his street, during the anticipated lull of 2am traffic, hand in hand, gazing up at those lights; green, yellow red. Green, yellow, red. And so when you’re first big moment with Love is hand delivered to you by Nicolas Sparks, you can generally assume it’s going to be a pretty wonderful ride.

And do not get me wrong! I am worlds less naïve about the challenges and heartache that Love brings. She can be a complete and total bitch at times. At a lot of times, even. And I’ll never shy away from those weakest of moments in my life that shaped and grew and sometimes hardened this heart of mine throughout the past decade. But those moments are perhaps more significant than the rainbows and sunflowers of proper love, because of course they carry you through always more grateful than before, when Love does come tapping on your window again.

And that is why I have been so fortunate. No matter how many times I tell myself not to (usually 3 billion within that first week of each break up), I have never ever managed to shy away from Love. I have always let my heart remain open to the possibility of it. I am absolutely unable to let the potential of my Next Great Love pass me by simply because people tell me (namely my father..), “you should just try being single for a while!” I’ve tried that! I’m crap at it. Because I have always quite quickly met the next boy who I know has it. And so far (touch wood?), I have never been wrong. My judgement has never been off. Every single boy I have taken the chance on by jumping into the next relationship with (usually quicker than the time it takes to even tie up the previous loose ends), has turned out to be life changing. Long-term, all-consuming, world-altering Love.

I consider myself to have had six real Loves of my Life {so far} in my 23 years. My first love, sweet and innocent, crumbling at our very first eventual fight. My young love, brave and bold, spinning me ‘round, even when we weren’t on the dance floor. My high school sweetheart, the most intense and remarkably educational experience I’ve ever had. My southern sweetheart; the quickest rush I have ever felt in my life; the shortest relationship, the longest-lasting longing. My future husband, the ring and the home and the children’s names picked out. And my travel buddy, my most accurate other half, my best yet match.

Six incredible young men. Six entirely individual, unique experiences. Six significant pieces of my heart belong to those boys in those days of my life, and I will never ask for them back. Because I don’t have one negative thing to say about any of them. Not in the end. I owe them the majority of my entire self, guiding me through Love to become who I am today. And I will be eternally grateful for all that they shared with me, put me through, helped me to discover, and left me to anticipate. 

I've had mixtapes, photobooth kisses, I've had slow dances outside in the rain, I've snuck in and out after hours, I’ve kissed on a park bench til the sun came up, I’ve been compared to the dizzy feeling of looking up into the vastness of a star scattered sky. I’ve had surprise visits to my school during lunch hours, I’ve been twirled and dipped and lifted in the middle of a crowded dance floor, shown off. I’ve received 21 plastic Easter eggs filled with 21reasons why I was loved. I’ve been someone’s constellation. I’ve had fireworks, I've had candle lit steak dinners, homemade with white lights laced around the back deck. I made love for the first time on a Valentine’s Day. I’ve had love letters and bouquets delivered to my place of work, to my front porch, to my classroom door. I’ve had prom invitations spelt out in roses, I’ve had promise rings slipped on under blankets and stars with whispered certainties. I’ve had the mentions of marriage post break-down, during quiet late night back road drives. I've had fast cars and wild nights, I've had some incredibly romantic evenings in a trailer park. I’ve been tricked into fantastic first kisses, I’ve been someone’s pen pal, Skype date, feeling of home. I’ve spent an entire night under the stars in the middle of a baseball diamond, I had the best Christmas eve of my life, two-stepping in a windstorm in some old abandoned parking lot, learning the words to all of my favourite songs, learning the steps to all of my favourite moves. I have felt the forbidden, and dove in anyway. I’ve had thousands of tiny yellow chicks, I've had surprise scavenger hunts leading me to Tiffany’s front door steps, I have an account with Charm’s Engagement department… I have worn a ring on my left hand. I have had sweet, authentic Italian words whispered into my skin, late nights on Fischer Price play set furniture, sharing boxes of wine, I've felt hearts speak when language was a barrier. I’ve had reasons in a basket, one for every day (two for the hard days), I had a pet fish delivered to my university lecture hall. Post it notes, ADHD limericks. Cottage nights on the dock, under the stars, boat rides around the island, a bunkie that felt like a 5 star honeymoon suit. I’ve spent an afternoon lying in the lap of a loved one, gazing up at the Eiffel Tower. And an evening on a secluded terrace in Barcelona. I've ridden bicycles through the apple orchards and vineyards of Italy, dipped our toes in tiny rushing streams. I have heard those three words for the first times under traffic lights, in a dark hallway, yelled at me in the middle of a house party, in an F150 pick up, in a family minivan parked out by our baseball diamond, in the middle of a crowded dance floor, running through the hallways of Georgian College residence, at a train station, and via bbm while in Venice, because it simply could not wait any longer.

Every single boy I have ever spent significant time with has bared his soul, and those three words, to me. This is why I consider myself one of the luckiest people I know, in the face of Love. But to be completely truthful, sometimes I still catch myself trying to figure out why. Trying to understand why I got to be so lucky, as to have felt real live Love from so many different sources. Why me?

And this is the most important part of it all (as I'm sure you had predicted!) … I have been blessed with more than my fair share of remarkable love, because I have remained, in many ways, that same 13 year old girl who turned to that boy 10 years ago, in the middle of the street, and professed my love. I took the chance. I made the move. I reached out and grabbed Love by the heart and I never ever let go. I am a go-getter of smiles, and of happiness. The kind of happiness that is only real when shared. I have always been confident and proud and my own biggest supporter when it comes to matters of the heart. I am intuitive, I am perceptive, I am resilient, I am retentive. I am genuinely, sincerely, entirely appreciative. I am grateful for all that I am! Because I love who I am! I love how I have let the love of so many make me who I am. I love that I have continued to learn, and grown, and shine in love. And I love that even though this is my first solo Valentine’s Day in eleven years, I am smiling from ear to ear. I have had the best of love, while still knowing there is even better to come. I am grateful for that. I am grateful for them, I am grateful for me. I am grateful for love.

Take a moment today to recognize how truly incredible you are, not just the special one who gets to spend today with you. Allow yourself to feel selfish, to speak with conceit, to smile with full confidence that no matter how many fantastic people will come in and out of your life, YOU are the #1. Love yourself first, and your fairy tale will come, inevitably.

Love always,

Kels Oke
mintcovered

MOG #42: Legally, Taylor

Over a year ago my friend Taylor and I shared some very personal and powerful words with each other. I told her that whenever I get something published it would be in her honour because of the feedback she gave me- it was everything I needed to hear. There are plans in the works for publication, or at least there are my dreams and some definitive goals (Squeal!!) but Taylor has been the one making plans lately. She keeps hearing back from top Law schools all over the world who express how lucky they would be to have her at their school, her count is up to five at the moment. She deserves every single one; a product of truly hard work, dedicated work ethic and tireless motivation to succeed, coupled with the fact that she is just the most bad ass and strong minded female I know.  She has opened her life up to see what it means to live and it's a beautiful thing to witness. She is someone I am grateful to have shared so much of my life with (we grew up together too) and someone I am proud to know and someone I am excited to watch take over the world. Taylor- congrats, you're making some very special people very, very proud. 

I am not thankful enough. I wouldn’t say I’m ungrateful, but I definitely don’t recognize all the amazing things my life has given me on a regular basis. And then, yesterday happened.

                  I have wanted to go to law school for seventeen years. Seventeen. Now, while some people think that’s ridiculous, just imagine it for a second. I came downstairs one night because I couldn’t sleep (I was five), and my parents were watching Law & Order. I have no idea why, as I was so young, but I thought the court scenes were the coolest thing ever. Flash forward to 2002, and the release of Legally Blonde, and I was sold. While these notions are exaggerated for the benefits of entertainment, I still did my research. I took law classes in high school, went to university fairs whenever I could, and even pictured myself doing other careers. It just didn’t fit. When some people have dreams when they’re little like being an astronaut, or a zoo keeper or whatever, mine was being a lawyer. I can’t really place why, but I know I don’t regret it.

                  I have seen people give up on their dreams due to loss- I have seen them grow tired and doubtful. That didn’t happen to me. And that is my moment of gratitude. After attending university for four years I really have no idea what I believe in spiritually- but I find it more than a coincidence that after my father passes doors starting opening like you wouldn’t believe. I came back into contact with so many people, I won MVP for girl’s football at my school that year, I sat for my LSATs with the prediction I would have to rewrite, but it turns out I did just fine. My mother became more like my older sister- we had no one else, so we started confiding in each other things that normal mother-daughter relationships don’t include. Due to all this support and reason to celebrate, I went out more and the connections I made grew even stronger. The amount of appreciation I have for these experiences can’t be expressed.

                  Then, two weeks ago, a boy I have loved fiercely, unconditionally (and, admittedly, unrequitedly), told me at three o’clock in the morning that the one-sidedness was a lie, but he couldn’t stand to see me stay in the country for him when he knew that wasn’t what I wanted, since he first met me in our community at residence. He told me I deserved better, that I would live better, and he would always miss me and think of me often.  I was floored- we had always been drawn to each other but I never knew that someone could give themselves up like that for a girl they had never (in my eyes) given a fair chance. The doubts of my path started clouding over me, as I had not yet heard from any law schools for some time. But I opened my e-mail yesterday, around lunch time, and there it was. Ole Miss. Telling me that I was welcome there and they appreciated my life story. Then a phone call from the Dean. Then another acceptance letter a few hours later. My doubt was literally assassinated by my relief and excitement. There is nothing compared to that feeling- not even finding out that the boy you’ve always cared for would have had a family with you had you stayed in Canada.

                  I am grateful for the support. I am grateful for my own strength, and a perseverance that only my father could have taught me. I am grateful for my ability to let go of love so I can pursue my dreams, knowing that I will find it again. I am just so, so grateful, for days like yesterday, knowing that they aren’t even close to being over- they’ve only just begun.

MOG #40: Looking ahead

I just really like Tish. We met through the paper and my first impression of her was that she was shy and quiet and would keep to herself. I was very very wrong; she's outgoing, she's talented, she's intelligent and she's got more sass than most. She's says that she complains too much, but I just think she's thinking critically; boldly, saying what the rest of us couldn't. She is brave. She is a fantastic friend and I'm glad I got to be graced with her presence before she's off to change the world. 

Mary suggested that I write a MOG but I instantly refused as “I had nothing to be thankful for.” Boy, was I wrong. 

As everyone is posting his or her grad photo online, it reminded me that this journey is really coming to an end. It’s hard to fathom that I’ve spent almost four years here. I’m famous for bitching and complaining about this city, however, I cannot deny the amount of memorable moments this city has brought me. I’ve made some new friends, friends that I’ll keep forever and some that I will never hear from again. But you know what, each person has contributed to my time at Brock, wither good or bad and for that I am grateful. 

You’ve shaped, challenged, encouraged and supported me and for that I am grateful. The opportunities given and earned, I am beyond grateful for. I have no idea where I’m headed after graduation but I will always carry the memories and lessons learnt with me. At the end of the day, I’m glad I choose this school and had the opportunity to be surrounded by an amazing and talented group of people. 

All the best Class of 2014, keep in touch 

MOG #39: Reflexivity

Hi team. 

Sometimes when I procrastinate, I reread my old words in MOGS, journals, computer files, conversations- anything. That probably sounds really narcissistic but the craft of writing always means revisiting and revising, so I think it's okay to spend a little time with your former self as you try to figure out your present being. But what also makes it worthy, and what makes this post an MOG, is how grateful I am for reflections; how lucky are we to look back on anything at any given time? To look back means we're likely looking forward in the same breath; but it also means we're alive.

I want to share with you what I had written on January 21st, 2013; a year and change later, it's interesting to see where I was at that point. So much can happen so quickly; and to think of what happened on January 21st 2014 in comparison is even crazier.

Sometimes I fucking hate the way I write.
Sometimes I sit here and think, who the hell do you think you are, saying what you're saying? Sometimes I can be in a room with just my thoughts and literally drive myself crazy. But I know that this is one of the many things I want to do. So, bear with the bullshit, is my new way to think.
Not every piece is good, but there is good in every piece.
Not every day is good, but there is good in every damn day.And that, is both good, and worth everything.


I wrote that alone in my bedroom, and again sometime later, I'm in the same position; crossed legged, approaching midnight, thinking about whatever's going on in relation to whatever needs to happen. You can learn a lot from studying theories but you can learn a lot from studying yourself. Watch for the patterns that come with the changes that happen in your life; and be grateful you can even do all of that.

Life is too, too short.

MOG #38: Domenic

My sister was one of the first people I shared this blog with. She was also the first people I shared a lot of my life with. She was also my first friend and the first person to tell me I was wrong; the first person I'd look up to that wasn't my parent and the now she's the first person I call when I need real, sound, sisterly advice. I will look always look up to my sister in the way that you're supposed to value your siblings. My mom says that sometimes I would sneak into her room just to watch her sleep because I thought she was just the best thing. Rough patches, screaming matches, birthdays and life lessons later- we started getting closer when I starting becoming an adult. She is now my confidant. Lisa. The person who will never, ever judge or think less of me for making mistakes. She is a badass. She is brave. She is bold. She is beautiful is so many ways. 
Today is a special day for her- her pride and joy turns two!!! Can you believe it?! There's a lot of love in the universe today all because one amazing woman gave one amazing little human a life, and continues to build a vibrant, fruitful and happy one for such a bundle of pure joy. I am so lucky to have my sister as my sister. An unbreakable bond, an unprecedented kind of forever, a part of me I could never be without. 
Happy second birthday Dom! I can't wait for you to read these words and see just how loved and life changing you are! 


It took one day... And my life was completely different. 

Well actually it was a sequence of events that changed everything, but lets just for arguments sake make it's dramatic! Rewind to almost 3 years ago May... 

I was doing what I do best, partying, being hilarious, causing ruckus, all the while doing some pretty bad ass hair. Not a real care in the world till one day I looked at the calendar,and realized.. Oh god I'm late. Like not as in late for some meeting, or late on a bill. Like the most "LATE" a girl could ever be! Well here I was faced with this news. I almost barfed. Me??? I was going to be a mother?!?! Holy shit. 
(Cue some after school movie music)

 My mind raced beyond fast. I had no clue what I was going to do. Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months. February 8th 2012, 12:07am 7lbs 7 oz of amazing came into my life. Domenic. Truly a little miracle. There he was, all ten fingers ten toes, a tiny body of beautiful perfection in a totally imperfect world. 

This little boy changed the world for not only myself and his dad, but brought myself my brother and my sister closer than ever. My parents suddenly became the smartest most creative, caring people I always knew but never really knew existed.  Compassion, respect, integrity, honesty, kindness, clarity, peace, and love (the most important) has become a staple in my families life. 

I appreciate my parents phone calls no matter how many times in one day, I love that my brother brings him a dinky car EVERY single time he sees him,  I love how my sister shows me and domenic how books will create such a smart vivid mind. I love how I get to watch the time and effort my parents put into myself and my siblings. I love that my family is more whole now than ever before.

 I love that my most favorite person in the world, my Poppa, shows himself around my son and in pictures. It truly makes me believe in heaven, and I know I will see that wonderful man again one day. 

If I could sum it up and tell my son anything, it would be this: Domenic you are the best thing I've ever done in my life, by far. You showed me what true love is. I'm blessed to be your mom and look forward to every new day and adventure with you. You changed the world in my eyes. 

Love you more everyday, always mine, forever yours.
Mommy xoxo


For all this I'm grateful, and so proud of my sister for starting this movement!

MOG #37: Parents

It's very exciting whenever someone writes an mog or shares the blog with others or through social media. It means something very different when someone's parent writes in. Terry Lee is the loving, supportive,charismatic and beautiful mother of my good friend Andrea. These words speak for themselves.

In my life, I have been so very fortunate to have two wonderful parents, who are an inspiration to me in so many ways. Their marriage, of complete love and devotion through good times and bad, sickness and health is a wonderful example of selflessness. The love and support that they have shown my brothers and I through our lives is something that we will carry in our hearts forever xo. I am so incredibly thankful for the inspirations that are my parents.

MOG# 36: Tulips

Annnnnd we're back.
Through the past two weeks I've had very interesting revelations about what its like to live with people other than your nuclear system. I've had to think a lot about who I keep in this selected inner circle, but in a way that has made me thankful that I even have that choice. At any stage of our life, but especially these best years of our lives, friends become our family, roommates become our home and we become better people when we infuse our days with love, friends and support.  Tonight's post comes from a very beautiful girl who has some very beautiful things to say about the world. Katrina is one of those people whose inner beauty literally shines through her face; she's very easy to like. Just an overall exceptional human and I'm so glad she wrote in. 

Short and sweet, I'd like to take a moment to thank the girls that I live with. I've come to this realization on many occasions, but today more than any other made me appreciate my friends more than anything. I met my roommates in residence first year, along with one of my best friends from high school, and we soon came to realize that we all work together really well. Each of us brings a different aspect of life and love into our house. What I appreciate most is the drop-everything attitude that we share for each other, no matter what the reason might be; from simply a bad day, to a fight with your mom, or a breakup. These girls offer a shoulder to cry on and the most refreshing advice. Movie night, homework trip to Starbucks, wine and a good cry, or an episode of Friends and a big bowl of popcorn (that we destroyed the kitchen to make with the air-pop)... whatever it is you have in mind, one or all of these girls will join in, no questions asked. Cooking dinner in our house sounds more like X-Factor auditions and looks like six sets of flailing limbs that someone might call dancing. The neighbours likely think we're on meth. We can barely remember to recycle or when garbage day is, but your favourite song by that random artist we heard in the car the other day will definitely be remembered. Needless to say, I would not be who I am today without these psychos I call my best friends. Literally and figuratively, they are my home away from home.