MOG #52: Lost and found

Some people come into your life and you wonder why they weren't there all along. When I look back on my four years at school, I will remember her beautiful face; both for what she is and who she has helped me to be. Thankfully, I've known her for the better part of my four years at school and I use the term "thankfully" quite literally; the conversations and moments I've had with Lauren have always been eye opening- she is one of those people I can completely open up to and as a result say words I didn't know I had to say, yet it all comes out in perfect sense. It's been such an honour knowing her and calling her one of my favourite friends. I almost titled this post "The most deserving" because that what she is; the most deserving of finding her own sense of self, happiness and gratitude. Reading this MOG brought tears to my eyes but a light to my heart, as I can read she is starting to see herself the way I, and so so many others, see her; as the funny, bright, honest and completely genuine soul who has summer in her eyes, love in her smile and ambition in her bones. 

When reading all of these brilliant MOGs, it’s so inspirational to know there is so many wonderful unique influences that people are able to give to others.  It’s amazing to see the love, inspiration, motivation, and positivity that others can effect on people.  So, when I was sitting down one day thinking about something grateful, a moment of gratitude, I feel as though my MOG may come off as a little bit selfish, however bare with me on this because I swear I have a point to it all, and its something that I feel we all need to remind ourselves of this gratitude, but I digress: my MOG is finding happiness within myself and my life.  

If we dial back a couple years, back to looking at myself entering first year.  I was confused, lost, lonely, negative, and low on confidence.  I’ll never forget what one of my friends once told me about myself: “you could have a million positive things happen to you, and once one negative thing happens in your day, you become completely down on yourself, and everything around you.”  And its true, I was, and am my own worst enemy at times.  I would put myself down on a daily basis, I would blame myself for all of my problems.  A relationship went south?  Oh it was definitely because I wasn’t pretty enough, or funny enough, or skinny enough.  This cloud of depression weighed me down.  I never believed that I deserved anything that made me happy.  I isolated myself from my friends and I would live each day with the mindset of “just get through it”. I have spent years living in this exhausted mind frame until there was one moment, my moment of gratitude when I finally realized: “my life is amazing”.  

I was tired of living in this negative cloud, isolating myself from others because I thought that I didn’t deserve the happiness that others had around me.  The moment I decided that I am just as great of a person as the people around me everything changed.  I felt like everything became more positive, and days always ended on a bright note.  I have been able to become closer with all of my friends, I enjoy the little pleasures in life more, I laugh more, I smile more, I love myself more.  

I feel like the moment that I decided to change my perception on life, to think more positive about myself and things around me that everything became easier.  Everyday is such an enjoyment and gift.  I look forward to the unknowns of the day: the people that I meet, the jokes that I will laugh at, and the negatives that I will learn from.  

Now back to my point of selfishness.  Of course, the place that I am at now would never have happened without my wicked support system.  I am so thankful for the love from my friends, the support of my family, and the inspiration from everyone and everything including this amazing woman who is the founder of this blog.  However, I feel (and this goes for everyone), you can’t truly have this epiphany of a new “you”, a positive perception on your life and what surrounds you, until you can look in the mirror, and not only say but believe it when you tell yourself “I deserve this”.  Its the moment that I was able to love myself, that love was able to come in.  It was the moment that I realized that I was alright that I was able to embrace the hiccups of life as a stepping stone to something greater, rather than a rock weighing me down.  Your external factors can only help you so much.  Its when you believe in the change for yourself that the wonderful things can happen.
And from this moment I feel like its changed me forever, into something better.  I’ve left the old Lauren at the door with her negative thoughts and I embrace the new Lauren who is confident, positive, and happy.  I am thankful each and every day that I was able to have my moment of pure happiness for myself, and I hope that each and everyone in their lives can have this moment too, because it will never the same, and trust me its so awesome.