MOG #88: The Toothbrush

Katie took a visit home and is headed back to her city with more than she came with. Showing us that once again, it really is the little things that hold the most meaning...

I am grateful for my toothbrush. Because no matter how different my room at home changes, or when the people within the home change or move away and my family continues to grow and move forward, there is always a toothbrush with my name on it at my childhood home. The toothbrush itself has changed but the symbol of one just always being there is grounding. It's grounding to think that family time goes from all the time, everyday to just a few hours. It's grounding when you were used to thinking it took hours to get across town and now you wish it took longer cause you don't want to stop your conversation from the car. I know I will always home when there is always a toothbrush with my name on it. And I know I will always have brushing my teeth with my mom when that toothbrush around.

MOG #80: To be loved

Matt- one of my dearest friends with one of the biggest hearts, has something to share...

“I Love You”

“To be loved, what more could you ask for?”

Today was difficult. I felt my Dad shake as he tried not to break down to tears with me in the passenger seat. I met my sister with open arms and held her as she went from inexpressive to sobbing as soon as she hugged me. I saw the look of fear and defeat in my Mother’s eyes as she mouthed words she was too broken to say out loud, and hugged her with an unparalleled warmth of compassion as tears filled my eyes. I’ll always remember the nurse’s voice, it was so gentle and caring that I barely even felt it.

Today we were told that my Mom’s breast cancer has metastasized to her brain. The kind they don’t operate on. There’s radiation, but it will only help for a short period of time, if at all. I was in a chair by her hospital bed when we heard the news, and it felt like my mind went dead. The feeling is indescribable. Defeated, in the calmest way. Today has happened so fast. I woke up to the sound of her sobbing, we admitted her to hospital, and heard the results of an MRI scan, all in just a few hours. It was something we’d suspected from her recent decline in mobility, but it isn’t until you hear the words out loud that it actually becomes real. For me, I don’t know if it’s fully sunk in yet that we will only have a few more weeks together.

There’s a strong sense of helplessness hanging over me. I think it’s hanging over all of us. I spent 8 hours in the hospital with her, and still feel like I didn’t do enough. The nurses say she’ll be back home in a few days, hopefully, so that she can spend her last days with us. For now, she’s in a hospital bed 20 minutes away, and there’s nothing we can do about it. So what do you do then?

We take the highway there. There’s a sign on one of the overpasses: “I love you,” in red and blue cutout letters. I don’t know how long it’s been there, but today was the first time I’ve seen it. Honestly, it was one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen in my entire life. For me, right there, love felt like enough. What a selfless thing to do. To the person who put those words there, I express my gratitude, and hope they realize that their selfless act gave me something I didn’t even know I needed. I had to feel like love was enough.

Mom says it’s the little things that she’s misses the most: taking our dog for a walk, having the energy to go outside, hugging me with both arms. But nothing in this world can ever take away the love: the love we have for her, the love she has for us, the love we have for each other. Nothing. Love will keep us together, and love will keep us strong. All we can do is show my Mom how much we truly love her. But, as a stranger with a pair of scissors and two sheets of Bristol board showed me, that can be enough.

Tomorrow morning I’m heading back to the hospital. I’m going to ask her, as hard as it may be, to write a letter to me for my graduation, for my wedding day, and for any other occasion where she should be there with me, but can’t. It’s going to be one of the hardest things I’ll ever have to do, and I know it will hurt her to hear me ask it. All I can do is hope she realizes that it’s a gesture of love, not sadness. It’s my way of having her there by my side in those times of happiness, and letting her share in those moments with me, even if she can’t be there. And, when I’m older, I know that I will reflect back fondly on the years we’ve spent together, the time we’ve shared as a family, and the memories we’ve made together. And there will be only love.

MOG #79: Technically speaking

Alexandra is back again; this time with a hard-hitting topic for all of us addicted to technology...

think I have a love-hate relationship with technology. I remember this one day in high school, I was at my best friend’s house. We both had boyfriends at the time, and instead of painting each other’s nails or playing Super Mario Galaxy together or eating a mass amount of chocolate ice cream like we usually did, we were sitting on opposite couches in her basement in silence, texting our boyfriends. We had the kind of friendship that nothing was awkward between us, no awkward silences or anything, and we just liked to be together. We were glued together at the hips, with our eyes glued to our screens. Usually texting our boyfriends. And that was totally cool. When my boyfriend dumped me, I was devastated. They say the first heartbreak is the worst (I’ve learned now that that isn’t necessarily true), and all I wanted was a girls’ night of painting nails, playing video games, and eating my weight in junk food, but all she wanted to do was text her boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, I was so happy that she was happy, and I didn’t want to be wallowing in my own self-pity forever, but I needed the attention that night. But that was the night that I vowed I would leave behind my phone when I was with people in real life. That was until I got the iPhone 4, and that was with me constantly, as were my friends. I love technology. I absolutely love it. I’ve got gadgets and gizmos aplenty! I also know that nothing is more important than the person standing right in front of you. It’s something I’m not perfect with, though. Just the other day, I was standing in my kitchen with my mom and my little brother. I was texting my friend from high school, making plans to get together. My mom said something to me that I didn’t even hear because I was so wrapped up in that phone “conversation”. The last time I went home, I hardly touched my phone. I think I charged it once in four days, which if you have an iPhone, you know that that’s pretty impressive. Instead of watching my screen, I watched my little sister grow up a little. It’s incredible how fast she’s growing, and I want to be around to experience it. I want to be there to see it. Not just see pictures online of it later. Technology can bring people together, sure. One of my best friends in the whole world lives thousands of miles away from me, in a different country. I’ve never met her in person, but we talk a lot, and I love her like a sister. In fact, the number one thing on my bucket list right now is to give her a hug and thank her for always being there for me, no matter what. She always gives me the best advice. I don’t know what I would do without her. I’m so grateful that technology gave us the power to become so close, despite our different time zones. Technology brings people together, I’ve kept in touch with so many friends who live all over the country, and I’m so grateful for that. But nothing, absolutely nothing, is better than sitting face-to-face with someone. I’ve decided, rather, I have made a promise to myself that I’m going to reconnect with some old friends. And so I have. I went out for lunch with a friend I’ve known for around nine years now, and even though we can’t see each other as often as we would like, we’ve kept in touch through technology for all of those years. We spent hours talking, laughing, reminiscing, and I had the best time with him. Same thing happened with my neighbour. We’ve been close since we were around six years old. When we were fourteen, we decided that we would start writing down some of our favourite memories that we share in a book, and now every time we get together, we read this book, and we cry from laughing so hard. That book was the best decision we ever made. Last weekend, I spent a night at a friend’s place, and we ate an entire tub of ice cream and a tube of Pringles. We vowed when we were fifteen that we would spend every breakup together, and we have. We’re practically the same person. She’s one of those friends that, no matter how much time passes between each time we see each other, it feels like it’s been no time at all. It’s like that with all three of these friends. I’m so grateful that I have these life-long friendships. In the end, I owe a huge thank-you to technology for keeping us in touch all of these years, when we’ve all gone off to different schools, and on different adventures. I’m grateful for technology, but I cannot even put into words how grateful I am for all the friendships that I have, and all the people that I’ve met. And I’m grateful that I’m able to share my gratitude with other people on the internet. Technology is amazing. And so are the people all around. I just hope that technology never replaces those amazing people in my life. So I guess I’m stuck on this: Is social media actually social? Or is it a replacement? Can’t it be both?