Ahh, I love a rhetorical sentence in the morning.
Last week I went to a store with one mission in mind: summer dresses. I was determined to break out of the rut of only living in work clothes and work out clothes.
"Summer dresses" I thought, "No hassle, just put on and go! Easy peasy! BREEZY! Yes you can!!!"
And I scoured the department like any other 20something female would: carefully picking between the too flashy, too aggressive flimsy things and staying clear of anything that would make me look prepubescent. An armful of fabric later, I headed into the dressing room.
This particular store was one with about TWENTY change room areas. It also was one of those cruel, cruel, places that had the mirrors on the OUTSIDE of the stall, meaning you couldn't try things on and examine them/judge yourself in the privacy of your little locked safe-space, but you had to step out of the door to use the mirror on the other side.
Normally I bypass these change rooms if there's a ton of people there. The Regina-George voices in my head tell me I'm too fat for this shirt; too curvy for these pants, that my torso is weird and that my thighs need to hit the gym more and my stomach needs to hit the fridge less. We've all been there, (right? right...), but that day, of all days, I had to forgo that attitude: I was one "leggings as pants" situation away from calling myself into a make over show.
I slip on a little floral thing and step out look in the mirror. As the wave of self doubt begins to wash over me, I am interrupted by a lady a few rooms down. "Oh damn look at her go!" she says, pointing at me. As we make eye contact she elaborates "Girl, that looks amazing on you! You need to buy that!"
Thrown off guard, I laugh it off and say thank you and begin to head back into my little change room.
Once behind closed doors, I'm smiling at the gesture, but not before the mean girl voice is loud and clear- "She's just being nice.. this doesn't actually look good on you, don't be fooled". Before I can give this mindset much of a chance, I remember I can't get too stirred by a compliment, and there's a few other things to try on before I call it a day.
I head out of the change room, this time in a combination of deep indigo and lace and without even giving myself a 2 second once-over, there is that girl again, "Oh my god, that one is even better! You look awesome! You totally need to get that one!"
By this time the fellow shopper has changed into a maxi and looks pretty damn good and I'm quick to compliment her back, and I mean it completely. She laughs and refutes, saying it's not what she's looking for and that it's just not her day. We laugh about why girls think getting ready for summer means revamping our entire wardrobes for only a few weeks. Touche.
Back into my room, and attempt number three is a mint coloured mid-calf number. We do the same dance; I come out of the change room and before I can even hear my inner critics, there's my new cheerleader, saying the colour brings out my skin tone and would be perfect for this weather we're having. This is her favourite outfit yet.
---
Her compliments are genuine. She has made me realize that I actually don't look like like a troll and in fact, can pull off this cut/style/colour. She also made me remember that this is not Runway, I am not paid to look double-tap worthy in clothes, nor does it really matter what anyone else thinks of my outfit. I need clothes. I don't look monstrous. It's a dress. Relax. It took someone else's kind words for me to realize how mean I was being to myself.
Fast forward to the car ride home. My bank account took a hit, but my self-esteem had a boost, and my motivation to be a little kinder was lit. Would I have bought the dresses without her there? Probably- I needed them. But this encouragement was so profound. My moment of gratitude comes down to this: A genuine compliment from a complete stranger that completely made my day because it changed my perspective. In a world where people are typically tearing each other down or competing with one another to beat out natural selection, all when taking a break from beating themselves up, this exchange of positivity was so... out of the ordinary.
(How weird is that - kindness seems out of the ordinary?)
I left the store with a vow to try to be that girl in the change room whenever I could. To give genuine compliments- not just in fragile situations like florescent lighting, but whenever there's a need for positivity. And when you think about it, there's always a need for positivity. We've got enough Mean Girl voices living in our heads.
Kindness- it doesn't cost a damn thing. Sprinkle that stuff everywhere.
