This week I came across my first article I wrote for my
school newspaper, and I felt humbled to see how much I have improved writing style. Yesterday, I saw one of my first tweets from the start of this
MOG journey and I said “500 pageviews, I’m speechless,” and I again felt humbled, this time to know had readership. Tonight, I saw one of my friends break down and tell me
a two sentence story that left me humbled, but in a much different way.
We were discussing student loans and paying off debt after graduation. She expressed how nervous she was, how much she just wanted it to be over, and how quickly she would have to find a job to pay of her tuition. I started rambling off perils of wisdom about money, saying that she can’t worry about stuff like that; money comes, money goes, everyone has debt, everyone pays it off, we all go through it. I told her she would just have to work two jobs, get it done, and then be free; “just pay them, you can do it; you can do it in a matter of years and still live well”.
I thought about my relationship with money and the way I learned how to handle it, from my parents. In the way that probably most people from my hometown would do the same; my approach to my approach to money is very lassie-faire, very wishy-washy, very naive.
“Growing up I was always told ‘don’t worry about it’ and it just got done. Whether they paid or I paid, it just gets paid and you deal. It taught us to spend both wisely and foolishly; we get what we want when we pay for it, or if it’s not worth the investment we don’t. Does that make you feel better? It’s honestly not a big deal, you can’t worry about it.”
“Not really…”
“Okay… that’s okay, why?”
“Because I just keep thinking of that time when I was ten and I told my mom and I needed glasses but she couldn’t afford them.”
…
“She ended up going to a bar and accidently crying to a stranger because she was so upset. He gave her $200 dollars on the spot.”
…
“He was actually a man known to cheat on his wife, so that was surprising. He never once asked for anything in return. I’ve only had two pairs of glasses in my life and I still have that first pair. They were Disney. Purple.”
My jaw hit the floor and my heart leapt into my throat. As I let the shame wash over me, she just watched my reaction, my honest reaction. Thoughts are always free.
As she went on to tell me the stories of her childhood and the other numerous, abundant times her mom found opportunities to support her. It couldn’t have been easy being a single parent household with a dead beat dad and siblings, while still young, sometimes going years without buying herself new clothes, choosing to spend her paychecks dressing her children.
So after we both cried, I apologized and she nodded, “It’s okay, you didn’t know”.
She’s happy to share that things are better now than they were, and is she ever so grateful for those selfless years of love from her mom. “Even to this day we all get excited when she buys for herself because it’s so rare she does that, after so many years of being accustomed to spending for someone else.”
I’ve never felt so discounted in my life. Here I am shelling out financial advice while I have a Visa bill from Christmas just patiently waiting to be paid.
Like the true and honest good friend she is, we picked back up where we left off, but headed in a much more valuable direction in a talk about what she would do after graduation.
She will not let any amount of money stop her from living, in the same way her mom put aside her fears and just found ways to make ends meet. She’s going to be logical and smart and determined, like her mom was all those years. She’s going to make lists and think ahead and plan accordingly, like her mom had to she had no other choice. She’s going to be brave and selfless and not afraid of anything, like her mom was for the benefit of her kids. She’s going to work her ass off, like her mom did and still does. She is strong, like her mom always is..
She’s going places because of her mom’s bravery manifested in her, and turned into something just as beautifully strong.
Since she was ten, she’s been able to see the world and add some beauty into it, because of her mom wasn’t afraid to do anything she could to provide. She sees these things like money clearly, but also things like love, kindness, respect, family and strength, all because of a great optometrist, a stranger who saw an opportunity for giving someone else an opportunity and a mother who’s love was stronger than any dollar amount.
We were discussing student loans and paying off debt after graduation. She expressed how nervous she was, how much she just wanted it to be over, and how quickly she would have to find a job to pay of her tuition. I started rambling off perils of wisdom about money, saying that she can’t worry about stuff like that; money comes, money goes, everyone has debt, everyone pays it off, we all go through it. I told her she would just have to work two jobs, get it done, and then be free; “just pay them, you can do it; you can do it in a matter of years and still live well”.
I thought about my relationship with money and the way I learned how to handle it, from my parents. In the way that probably most people from my hometown would do the same; my approach to my approach to money is very lassie-faire, very wishy-washy, very naive.
“Growing up I was always told ‘don’t worry about it’ and it just got done. Whether they paid or I paid, it just gets paid and you deal. It taught us to spend both wisely and foolishly; we get what we want when we pay for it, or if it’s not worth the investment we don’t. Does that make you feel better? It’s honestly not a big deal, you can’t worry about it.”
“Not really…”
“Okay… that’s okay, why?”
“Because I just keep thinking of that time when I was ten and I told my mom and I needed glasses but she couldn’t afford them.”
…
“She ended up going to a bar and accidently crying to a stranger because she was so upset. He gave her $200 dollars on the spot.”
…
“He was actually a man known to cheat on his wife, so that was surprising. He never once asked for anything in return. I’ve only had two pairs of glasses in my life and I still have that first pair. They were Disney. Purple.”
My jaw hit the floor and my heart leapt into my throat. As I let the shame wash over me, she just watched my reaction, my honest reaction. Thoughts are always free.
As she went on to tell me the stories of her childhood and the other numerous, abundant times her mom found opportunities to support her. It couldn’t have been easy being a single parent household with a dead beat dad and siblings, while still young, sometimes going years without buying herself new clothes, choosing to spend her paychecks dressing her children.
So after we both cried, I apologized and she nodded, “It’s okay, you didn’t know”.
She’s happy to share that things are better now than they were, and is she ever so grateful for those selfless years of love from her mom. “Even to this day we all get excited when she buys for herself because it’s so rare she does that, after so many years of being accustomed to spending for someone else.”
I’ve never felt so discounted in my life. Here I am shelling out financial advice while I have a Visa bill from Christmas just patiently waiting to be paid.
Like the true and honest good friend she is, we picked back up where we left off, but headed in a much more valuable direction in a talk about what she would do after graduation.
She will not let any amount of money stop her from living, in the same way her mom put aside her fears and just found ways to make ends meet. She’s going to be logical and smart and determined, like her mom was all those years. She’s going to make lists and think ahead and plan accordingly, like her mom had to she had no other choice. She’s going to be brave and selfless and not afraid of anything, like her mom was for the benefit of her kids. She’s going to work her ass off, like her mom did and still does. She is strong, like her mom always is..
She’s going places because of her mom’s bravery manifested in her, and turned into something just as beautifully strong.
Since she was ten, she’s been able to see the world and add some beauty into it, because of her mom wasn’t afraid to do anything she could to provide. She sees these things like money clearly, but also things like love, kindness, respect, family and strength, all because of a great optometrist, a stranger who saw an opportunity for giving someone else an opportunity and a mother who’s love was stronger than any dollar amount.
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